Becoming Your Own Person

Becoming Your Own Person by SIMPLE STEPS

As children we looked to our parents, teaches and others we respected for approval and agreement.   Throughout our lifetime we get to know whether someone is going to like what we’re doing or not.  When I was a child it was my Dad who ruled the roost.  And while I may not have always sought his approval I did make sure that whatever I was doing wouldn’t make him mad.  

If you defer decisions to your partner or other significant person in your life… you’re missing out on realizing your own happiness.  I’m not talking about letting someone else decide where to go to dinner.  I for one usually don’t care and am happy to go wherever Jack wants to go.  He does care.  

What I’m talking about is being unwilling to make a decision about your life without the approval of someone else.  If you’re reading this you’re probably over 18. (OK… Simple Steps friends are generally over 35 ) You’re not a kid… and this is your life.   

I don’t want you to wake up one day (as I did) and realize your life has been created and sustained through the expectations of someone else.   For me it was my Dad… who told me to get an education, get married, find a job, do what they told me to do and be loyal to the company that was paying my salary.  I did all those things… and then woke up at 52 without the job that I was loyal to for 25 years and trying to figure out who Cheryl was and what I wanted to do with my life.  Because now… everything I knew was gone. (Except of course I am still married to Jack… but he was and is my choice!)

Are you living the expectations of someone else or do you know what you want your life to be?  Since no one can “make” you happy except you then it’s time to do what makes you happy.  If you’re not sure where to begin try these Simple Steps to see the light:

•    How do you “define” yourself when some asks “who” you are.   For example you way say that you are a mom, a lawyer, a jack-of-all-trades, an athlete, ect.  Write everything that you think of down on a list.  

•    Review your list and cross out anything that you love being.  My list looks like this: wife, mom to my pets, caring person, insurance professional, hammer, connector, out of shape, introvert.  What you’ve done here is focused your attention on the parts of you that don’t resonate with you.  

•    Look at them together, if they are all similar or individually if they aren’t.  Ask yourself if you could change this part of you that you don't like what would you do differently?  I changed insurance professional to writer, hammer to inspirational motivator, out of shape to fit and introvert to a networker.  

•    Now pick one of your changes and take your own Simple Step in the direction of what for yourself.  

Taking a Simple Step in your life may not be easy… but it will be fulfilling when you decide it is what you want for yourself.  And isn’t right now a great time to become you? 

Giving Up?

Giving up by SIMPLE STEPS

Have you ever gotten to the point where all the effort you are putting into something or someone just doesn't seem worth it anymore?  Do you feel like no matter what you're doing... you're still not making any progress and you're just tired?  Are you to the point where you just don't care because no one else seems to? 

If you are at that point and ready to throw in the towel, don't.  At least not until you have given yourself some time to get to a better place, a fresh perspective.  Every effort you make teaches you something about what works and what doesn't.  It doesn't matter if you're trying to develop the best relationship with your partner or create the latest gadget that will revolutionize life as we know it... You are smarter than you were before and that is a big deal all by itself!

Please... don't give up unless you are absolutely sure that it is the right thing for you to do.  Don't give up because you're feeling worn down and exhausted.  Instead try these Simple Steps to renew you and your motivation:

• Stop all effort to move forward. If you're spinning your wheels you're not getting anywhere anyhow...

• Take a snapshot of where you are at this given moment.  Compare that to where you were when you started. Appreciate how far you've come.  

• Walk away.  Take a day or even a week to focus on extreme self care.  Leave it behind.  Don't work on it... the relationship or the project.  Just let it and you "be."

• After you've taken the time to refresh yourself then take a new look at the snapshot comparison that you did before. Decide what needs to happen in order for you to continue and whether the end result is worth it.

• If you decide that you're not as committed to the person or the project then let go.  Acknowledge that you are further ahead in knowing what you want than you were before and celebrate that success. 

• If you decide that you will persist... take the time to adapt your plan to introduce new steps that use what you've learned to your advantage.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving up.  Just respect yourself enough to make the decision with a clear mind and an open heart.